Friday, July 2, 2010

The Damaged Door

We've had a bit of a set back. Honestly, I wonder that it isn't because he's just bored.

Yesterday, Tristan had one of the worst tantrums he's had in a while. It's doesn't even get close to the ones he had about a year ago, but he still managed to tear up his bedroom door. At the time, I thought he was throwing toys at the door, but he told me today that he was punching it.

He kicked his sister and I told him to sit in time out. He refused, so I gave him a choice. He could go to time out or go to his room. He refused both. I had to call our neighbor over to watch the girls while I handled Tristan. He kicked and fought all the way up the stairs.

I finally managed to get him to his room. He usually rages for a little while, then calms himself down. When he's done raging, he knocks on the door to let me know he's ready to come out. He didn't knock and I went to check on him. That's when I discovered the door.

I was aghast at what I found. I simply couldn't believe he'd torn up another door. The door will cost $150 to replace. We're moving away in a few months and the housing office isn't going to want to fix that, they'll just replace it.

I know it doesn't look like much here, but remember, my seven year old made those with his fists.

When I found it, he hid from me in his closet. I didn't yell at him or spank him or anything.  I was just so stunned. I quietly told him how upset I was and that he would not be coming down from his room for the rest of the day (it was about 4:00 at the time.) He ate his dinner in his room, then put himself to bed.

This morning, C went into Tristan's room and removed all of his toys. He's grounded from video games for two weeks. We have a chart with money values on it and he will do chores to work off the $150 for the door.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what else to do. I can't decide if it's too harsh or not harsh enough. The last time he tore up the door, he was six and was very ill. We didn't make a big deal out of it because he ended up going into the hospital. This time, he's old enough to understand and face the consequences of his actions.


  1. wow, are his hands hurt? I think the chart to wrok off the $ is a great idea. You are all in my prayers! You are the best mom in the world!

  2. I notice my grandson is much more difficult in summer with school not in session. That's not an excuse but it does give insight.

    Your plan is a good one and keep the faith as stated above you are doing a great job.

  3. i find (both of) your blogs incredibly interesting, but this one especially. my boyfriend (who i have known for my entire life but only became my boyfriend last year) has been struggling with exactly what tristan has for as long as i can remember.

    i love him dearly now, but he used to scare me...throwing chairs in school, hurting himself, having to be removed from class and taken to a mental hospital. but anyway, he's 24 now. and i just want to tell you not to give up hope, because he has gotten SO much better over the years. he hasn't raged in a long time, he's really benefitting from his therapy, he's figured out which medications best control his symptoms and keep him safe, he's capable of treating people really well, he's mentally able to think about his future, and i'm thrilled to be with him.

    so i will keep tristan in my thoughts, and i know that with your support he can conquer this.